Prayer & Procrastination

I should pray more…

I’ll pray first thing in the morning…I’ll do a small prayer time every day…I should pray…

Why?

I wish procrastination and prayer didn’t go together but they often do for me. As God is constantly reaching out for me and longing for a deeper relationship, it’s easier in the moment to say…I’ll pray tomorrow.

I wish it wasn’t so! I wish I was more disciplined but I’m not!

So as I write this, I will try to turn that SHOULD pray to MUST pray! 

I want the yearning for prayer to be so deep it’s automatic and not a planned event.

It’s a journey. But..Jesus is pretty amazing and patiently waiting for me to get there(if I ever do!)

Although… something tells me that even our desire to pray “tomorrow” still makes Jesus smile

When prayer seems so far

When prayer seems so far (as it can often feel for me), the beauty of God can suddenly penetrate my heart by absorbing the beauty in trees, flowers, the sky… and instead of feeling guilty for not praying, I have to remind myself..don’t! Put the guilt away and just rest in the beauty of God’s creations. God is happy when we do that, resting in him. 

Her mighty reach

Each day can be a challenge to keep prayer alive. Some days or periods of time seem to be so easy. Other days, prayer is the farthest thing from my mind. The human struggle… ! 

Mary always seems to lure me back when I stray from prayer. 

It’s not 100% jump back on the ship and full sail. Some days it’s a toe in the water and a few words of thanks or just being in the presence of the lord (Ecce). Some days it’s none, or a fleeting thought. But I thank Mary for always trying to reach out for me and pull me back. 

If you are having trouble with prayer, try starting with Mary. She’s pretty awesome. 

Giving up at lent 

I give up finding something to give up at lent….What will bring me closer to Jesus on this Lenten journey?

I thought about it for awhile and everytime I thought of something physical to give up I didn’t feel strong enough to actually do it. Coffee? No I can’t… I’ll just be thinking about how much I want coffee…  Candy? Mmmmm no. I give up trying to give something up!

I went to mass and the priest explained we don’t always have to give up something physical…it could be something else. For instance, less gossip, being less judgemental…you get the idea. 

I closed my eyes and said “what can I do Mary…Guide me.” I really felt her saying “ask Jesus”. I did. What did I hear? 

Walk with me. 

Now usually, when people tell me they heard Jesus say this or that. I think…how do you know? How do you know it’s Jesus talking to you? But I guess I just knew. I still don’t really understand it all but that’s the beauty and wonder of it all. 

So Jesus, I will walk with you through this Lenten season to the cross. I know it won’t be enough but I will try my best to be there with you even if for a moment each day. I want to walk with you and console you. I will really try my best and please forgive me because I know I might fail some days…but I want to walk with you. 

Let’s begin. 

gentle jesus

gentle jesus, meek and mild, look on me this little child, pity my simplicity, suffer me to come to thee. In my little bed I lie, heavenly father hear my cry. Lord protect me through the night. Keep me safe till morning’s light. (…)

This prayer struck me the other night. Such a simple prayer but it carries so much. The line that struck me was “Suffer me to come to thee”. As a child, these words didn’t mean much to me. However, I appreciate them much more now. My suffering brings me closer to Jesus. I need to remember that and I need to remember to ask for his mercy. He wants us to ask and he wants to give. 

At 3 oclock, I sometimes join my sufferings to those of the Lord in the divine mercy prayer. My prayer life isn’t always as much as I would like it to be and I want to spend more time with the Lord. However, the divine mercy prayer always seems to bring me back to basics when I feel distant from the Lord. Of course, the rosary as well. Mary is incredible and always finds me or helps me find her when I’ve strayed or forget to pray. 

praise the lord oh my soul! (lyrics from 10 thousand reasons)

faith. hope. and love fellow sisters and brothers! 

  

confession

It can be a stressful thing. The very act of speaking to a priest about my sins. Having the openness to look at myself and my sins. Having the willingness to change them. But mainly…the very act of walking into a confessional booth. Am I the only one? 

I know once I leave the confessional, I feel the mercy and the grace of God rushing through my veins. It’s an incredible feeling.

But how do I get past walking into the confessional and talking with the priest? St Faustina comes around at the right time and writes that the priest is just a screen for God. Maybe it should make me more nervous but it doesn’t. It eases all my anxieties. She is one cool Saint. 

So I ask you God. Bring me to confession. And with Mary’s help, I ask for grace to be more open to this beautiful sacrament.  Bring me to the booth!  

 

Mary. my queen.

Mary, oh Mary, my Queen. 

She kneels at the cross at Cavalry. She carries me to Jesus so I can be free 

Mary, oh Mary, my Queen. 

She teaches me to carry my crosses each day… She sweetens them by pouring out her powerful grace

Mary, oh Mary, my Queen. 

She lifts me to Jesus to sing his praise…His mercy falls upon me in abundant ways. 

Mary, oh Mary, my Queen.

  

the leper.

After reading the gospel, I find it hard to look inside and face my spiritual leprosy….To really look and be honest with myself, and with Jesus.  Then, a part of me thinks I can handle it by myself and work on my spiritual leprosies alone. But when I turn to Mary, she reminds me…”why? Jesus is with you and why do you have to do it alone?” … 

I remember that I am just a small servant who messes up daily… many times. I can’t do it alone. But what makes me deserve his help? That’s what makes it so great!! When I feel this way, I feel his longing even greater to be my friend..and to help me…and to love me and receive my love. 

Sometimes I don’t understand any of it. But then there is a moment, maybe a split second, when it all makes sense. 

Mary, in the meantime keeps pushing me forward and showing me how amazing the grace and the mercy of Jesus is. What the heck?! It’s truly amazing and I don’t get it but I love it. Asking for Mary’s help to know her son was the best thing I’ve ever done.